Losing my voice

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.

Helen Keller

I am a mother to six children. I am engaged to a man. I am a bisexual.

For as long as I have been aware of my sexual orientation I have been proud of it. I was one of the few white girls in my predominantly African-American middle school who was out and unashamed. In high school, I openly dated both genders and boldly walked the halls without any care or concern about others opinions. I had this awesome jean jacket that was airbrushed with a bag of Skittles on the back and I loved the bright gay pride colors the artist used. Throughout my youth I did not feel shame or fear about who or what I was; that came later in life. I feel lucky that I was not berated or talked down to or like I had to hide my true self.

As I’ve aged I have found it harder to be “out and proud” because I don’t feel bisexual while being in a straight relationship. Wow, that sounds so small-minded and hypocritical. What I mean by that is that because I am not dating a woman (and haven’t in almost 3 years) I don’t feel I have a voice in the LGBT community. Before my last girlfriend, I hadn’t been in a relationship with a female since I was 21. At no point have I stopped being attracted to women, I just simply have ended up in straight relationships. When I have sought out female relationships it has gotten muddied with the fact that I have children, you’d be surprised at how many bisexual and lesbian women find kids as a deal breaker.

As far as I see it, once a bisexual enters into a straight relationship those looking in from the outside then only see them as straight. They no longer get to carry that big, beautiful flag declaring them different. Maybe it shouldn’t matter what people see you as in your private life but to me I feel like I have lost my voice. When I am online and speaking about LGBT topics people label me as an ally not as someone directly affected by the issues at hand. For example, when the topic of marriage equality was being thrust into the spotlight I cried as each state legalized gay marriage and adoptions. Growing up I felt disheartened that those who loved each other could not have the same rights as their straight counterparts. But there were many times while in groups and commenting on threads where I would be attacked after someone went to look through my profile and see that I was in a straight relationship with children. As if my choice in partner negated who I was, as if I no longer existed as a bisexual. This occurred by straight and

In the wake of what happened on Sunday in Orlando I want to honor the victims by being out and proud. By making connections with other bisexuals. By continuing to teach my children acceptance and tolerance. By not letting my identity and voice be silenced by bigots in or out of the LGBT community.

The only way progress will be made is if those with a voice speak loud and clear. To demand protection for a group of people that have been left hanging in the wind for decades. To join together in solidarity and stand against hatred and bigotry. By not excluding those who don’t fit neatly into what you find acceptable and comfortable. Change, true change is not going to be easy but it can be done if we use this time to stand up for our rights as humans to live and love without boundaries.

Izzy